BF Application

Because so many of you men are trying to fight over me, I decided to help narrow things down in a much safer way... Then we'll let the finalists fight over me! Much fewer casualties that way you see. After all, I'm all about lessening the body count. Unless we're talking about zombies, demons, or clowns, in which case we want to kill as many as possible. -shudders- I hate clowns. Freaky little bastards. But I digress! Back to the application process.

We will start with a series of multiple choice questions. Please complete the sharpening of your #2 pencils before we begin. Fill in each bubble completely...wait, nope, nevermind. Just circle your choice, or fill in your answer where required. Please do not leave any answers blank or I'll feed your application to my zombie dogs.

1. Are you:
A. Male
B. Female

2. Are you single?
A. Yes
B. No
C. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

3. How old are you? ____

4. Which do you prefer:
A. Pepsi
B. Coke
C. Vanilla Coke
D. Naked Juice
E. Alcohol

5. Sashimi is:
_______________________

6. What do you think of vampire/werewolf B-movies?
A. -groans-
B. The worse they are the more fun they are to watch.
C. Shoot me now.

7. Werewolf vs Vampire, who's better?
A. Vampire (as long as they don't sparkle)
B. Vampire
C. Werewolf
D. Um, they're not real...

8. Do you tweet?
A. Like a bird
B. WTF?
C. No
D. Occasionally

9. So how about those muppets?
____________________________________________

10. You're interested in this girl, she's interested in you. Would you hit on her best friend if the opportunity arose & you didn't think she'd find out?
A. Hell no
B. The more the merrier
C. Yeah, but only if I knew she wouldn't find out.
D. Maybe, is her friend hot?

11. You haven't heard from the girl you like in awhile, do you:
A. Contact her and see what's up.
B. Wait for her to initiate conversation.
C. Ask her friends if they've heard anything.

12. Who was your favorite Power Ranger? (Bonus points if you can match a name to the color)
A. Red
B. Black
C. Green/White
D. Pink
E. Yellow
F. Blue


And so ends the multiple choice portion of our questions. Now we'll move onto the essays.

Please use proper grammar and complete sentences or your application will be used as a cage lining for my parakeet.

Tell me a bit about yourself. Likes, dislikes, pets, etc. Anything you want me to know, this is your chance.

The zombies are invading and its time to change into your ass-kicking gear. What do you wear?

What's your idea of a perfect first date?

Explain the inherent value of bunny rescuing. (why should it be done, etc)

I'm not feeling well, what will you do to make me feel better?


And that is the end of the essay portion. If there's anything else you would like to add, feel free to do so now.

Finally I just need some personal information and a photo(for categorization purposes of course)

Height:
Eye color:
Hair color:
Shoe size:
What type of phone do you use:
And what's the best way to contact you for further information/interviews?

Thanks and good luck. Please, one cookie per applicant. Purchase not necessary, but buying me things will most certainly increase your odds of being chosen (I love Netflix subscriptions).

I'm just not that into you

Have you read the book He's Just Not That Into You? Maybe you've seen the movie instead. Perhaps both. I have yet to see the movie, but I've read the book and unlike a lot of women out there most of what I read I had kind of already guessed at. Reading it all in print just reaffirmed what I already knew.

Men will go after what they want. If they really like you, they'll do whatever they have to do to get in touch. Its a big reason I rarely make first contact. In the past I made first contact quite often but when I discovered I was the only one reaching out I decided, why bother? The only time I ever heard from the guy was when I initiated conversation so I stopped completely.

It wasn't until I stopped initiating that he reached out. He didn't reach out to start a conversation however, oh no, he just wanted to say how sad he was that "I wasn't thinking of him anymore and saying hi". I told him it was a two-way street and if he liked me that much he could be bothered to say hey when he saw I was online or whenever. That ended that conversation oretty quickly.

Since then I've got no problem waiting for him to make first contact. I'm not going to lie and say there haven't been times when I've really wanted to say something, anything, but we both know it wouldn't do any good. So I've resisted.

I've resisted many times recently and still I didn't hear from you. Well, no I did earlier, and boy what a conversation that was. Its nice to know you care.* I've decided I'm done with you. I'm tired of wasting my time waiting around for some indication that you really like me. I don't even get the feeling you want to be good friends. No, definitely not even that. My friends don't ask how it went when I say I just had an MRI, they ask if everything is okay. Yeah, I'm definitely not that into you.

*Please note the sarcasm.